A jOuRnEy tHrU d GaLaXy FaR fAr AwAy..

Heyz all,
i realized dat evtime i update my blog, mass mails will b sent t all d ppl in my contact list..puttin myself in other ppl’s shoes (sth i learnt @ my entrepreneurship coy) i believe some ppl may find it a nuisance since sometimes i post a few entries a day or edit d entry..so i dcided t migrate my regular blog t my Windows Live space..if u wanna noe more abt me (most ppl don’t), u can go check dat out..but i’ll still use tis blog t post tings wich r more meaningful, like my learnin exp rather den my irregular outbursts of tots (both +ve or -ve)..ahaa fr dos who regularly catch-up on my happenings, i appreciate it & i’d like t say: Thank You!

(real life)
wow! juz came back fr d S.H.E. Concert 2007 (my 1st concert) @ S’pore Indoor Stadium.. somehow we noe it’ll b v crowded since a soccer match tkin pl oso 8pm @ Nat’l Stadium..
b4 goin 2 d concert, went Jelvin’s B’day Chalet..he 21 yrs old liaoz..how time really flies..tis yr i’ll b 22..hmm..old le hor? 2 bad had 2 rush, so when i was abt 2 lve d chalet, d rest of our br ppl arrive..i only had time 2 gobble dn all d food (my dinner) & tk foto wif d bde ppl..really long time since we had a proper gatherin..d last time’s @ Anthony’s hse..but not alot of our br ppl go.. well, evbody hv deir own lives now dat most of us ORD le..ev1 else seems 2 hv put on abit of weight, xcept me (oops!)..
i rushed off 2 d busstop but i noe i’ll b late..met GZ @ Tampines, than MRT dn 2 Kallang..lucky we didnt dcide 2 tk taxi..coz when we alighted @ Kallang Mrt, we saw dat oredy d traffic is congested..had 2 trek 2 SIS..not sure d way so GZ led..followed d crowd lor..finally made it aft a long 15min walk..still got ppl queuin 2 go in, even doh it’s almost 2030h liaoz..whew..we made it~
d concert was fabulous esp we got d $148 seats..but we’r like d 25th row fr d front..stood up 4 most of d concert time coz most of us were ‘high’ when we saw SHE..lolz i juz luv deir songs dah..somehow can relate 2 d songs..d sound syst was gd..i still sang even doh i had slight sore thraoat + coff..but it was gd coz i cudnt hear my voice over d loud sound..so no nd 2 worry..
d whole ting ended ard 11pm wif encore.. when we left d SIS, we found out dat d soccer match ended ard d same time..sianz! now had 2 vie 4 tpt..last train 2 Boonlay no more liaoz..dunnoe wat bus 2 tk back oso..so i walked further 2 c wher can tk like bus or taxi..loitered ard d area 4 awhile..dunnoe wat’s goin on in mind, but i juz loitered abt..somehow i did sth dat i shudnt hv done..sth dat made me succumb 2 d inner demons..but i shant tok abt it.. oh yah, finally i cud find a taxi dats neither hired nor ‘on-call’..took d cab back 2 hall..so tirin..tried 2 cont d conversation wif d driver but cant seem 2..kept coughin.. when i reached back my rm, i tot back dat 2day really ‘broke hole in wallet’..sianz..nvm, muz really learn fr tis lesson..
2 tired 2 tink of ne other tings le.. btw, i mng 2 ‘bk’ a date on V’day wif SY liaoz..woohoo! i juz hope i noe wat im doin tis time rnd..will not sabotage our partnership..wish me luck..

离开我，在没有决裂的时候

就让灵魂彻底的堕落

放出过，还逃不出你的左右

怪只怪我把爱当寄托

一时迷惑，一路犯错

给我死心的理由

誓言溶血时别沉默

我的美丽只剩哀愁

他看见温柔眼眸

他到了唯一的出口

就无处可躲

迷失了热情

湿热冷漠的双手

多叫人心痛

Comments: shud i cont on tis dark path 2 my lost soul or shud i give up? wat’s d reason 4 me 2 give up? or will some1 reach out 2 save me fr myself? i sense dat a big change will happ in my life..shud i go ahead 2 tell her i like her or live in regret of wat i hv nv done in my life? wat a mess my life’s bcome..

His life seems meaningless..@ least he tinks so..listenin 2 d song "Better Man" by Robbie Williams, on his way back hm, d mp3 player runs out of batt..did dat mean nethin? well, other den d whole journey walkin back wif tears wellin in d eyes while sad memories flashback in2 his mind, & d fact dat his iriver mp3 was oredy on 1/2 batt stat, it cud only mean dat a greater bein was tryin 2 tell him sth..2 stop dwellin in his miseries, 2 stop blamin himself 4 ev single bad ting dat happs 2 his life, 2 lay dn d burden dat he’s carryin..its so heavy..so laden wif d troubles he’s willin carried 4 others..who’ll give him rest? who’ll listen 2 him pour out his sorrows? who’ll lend him a shoulder 2 cry on? no, he muz not give up! he muz not show weakness! he muz pretend 2 b v motivated, put on d mask..d mask dat so covers his distorted innerself..izit time 2 let go oredy? he doesnt noe..perhaps he’ll nv noe.. his life’s a sacrifice..he noes dat v well..it really’s a whirlwind inside of his head..4eva d beatings fr d lite & dark side of him torments him..
no1, no1 cud possib help him..no not even his family, his parents.. "Dad, mum, can i pursue my dreams? can i @ least do sth diff fr wat common ppl do? can u all juz trust me & let me do wat i want 4 once in my life? can u all juz support me in wateva i do & dont put me dn? can u all stop treatin me like a kid? can i make my own decisions, even if it means tkin a fall? can i juz hv better parents? or can i juz die?" such r juz a small fract of his tots..
now it tks d toll on his health..he doesnt care abt it nemore..all in his mind is dat illness is juz a state of mind..mind over body he says..wat if d mind destroys d body? or d other way rnd? will 1 survive w/o d other? seems like evting’s startin 2 fall apart..
4bidden luv..he oways has tis prob..evtime he falls in luv, its some1 he shud nv hv..shud religion or background or race or health stat or zodiac/horoscope come in2 play, he oways loses out..even now, d 1 he’s startin 2 luv d most has all d evidence pointin 2 him dat dey cant b 2geta s long s dey hv 2 face up 2 other ppl’s xpectations..y is d world like tis 4 me? y cant i b livin like "Romeo & Juliet"? even now, he feels like juz givin up..give him a new life..pls.. all he wants is some girl who can rite his life & turn him back fr d dark path dat he now walks..
he fails himself over & over again..even when d time has come 4 him 2 harvest all d rewards he worked so hard & long 4, he doesnt believe it’ll work..coz he’s accustomed 2 failure..dat failure’s now a habit 2 him..dat even when success comes 2 him, he doesnt noe how 2 handle or accept it.. ev1 ard him seems 2 b doin so well..he’s fallen behind, but he nv lets ne1 else fall behind him..he drags dem 2 d front, rather sacrificin himself so dat more ppl’ll b saved..dat’s d life of a Paladin, a Jedi..or did he even consider himself dat.. how long can a man fite d darkness b4 he finds it in himself?
self-motivation? bulls***.. he has 2 fend 4 himself..no1 can help him more den he can help himself..but he @ d same time does d worst dmg 2 himself.. 2 end tis (tis’s all dat he cud rmbr fr d flood of emotions in his mind), i tink d "Better Man" wud b a gd song 2 describe his life now..
(wif tears wellin in his eyes, he closes tis entry & cries himself 2 slp..prayin dat some1′ll come 2 his salvation…)

清晨的微风　如此的平凡

看似简单　雾气驱散

温柔阳光中　慢慢醒了过来

准备面对挑战

在新的世纪　该抛开过去

是好是坏　要放得开

往梦想的路　没有想像简单

我还要更勇敢

回忆就像漩涡　它将我拉走

时间的钟响起　我不该逗留

Fly away　不管流下多少眼泪

坚持下去的动力还在

Nothing I will be afraid

Fly away　不管未来有多困难

我仍然能感觉　心跳还在

Nothing I will be afraid

Comments: feels like d industry my biz is currently in..entrepreneurship is really tuff but worth it..no matter how many difficulties i encounter, d future will b brite! jiayou^3!

(real life)

networkin in life’s v impt..u shud oways go meet new ppl..make frens wif frens’ frens..dats wat i like doin..so dat i can noe more ppl whom i may b able 2 help in d future..

last nite went MOS coz Michelle got free tix 4 d Tertiary Fling event fr whosgoing.sg.. since its a gd chance 4 me 2 meet new ppl, i dcided 2 attend, even doh i neu d nxt day may got hangover, den miss lessons.. got 2 noe a hall mates Jix & Angeline, den got 2 noe deir clique, deir all fun ppl..so its cool hangin-out wif dem..

i seldom go clubbin, so im quite new 2 evting..dont even noe how 2 play d ‘cai quan’ games..lolz but learned it quite quickly.. s usual, breathe in 2nd-hand smoke..drinkin booze.. den dn 2 d dance flr! yeah i luv d music & dancin man..lose urself in d music..ahaa but i hate d sudden flashes of lite, d other guys tryin 2 get fresh fr our female frens :@ damn, oways had 2 protect dem fr ‘wolves’..but den dey drunk, so dey dont care..sigh..up 2 dem lah..i try my best wif d other guys 2 tk care of dem..yeap.. partied till quite late..well, early i mean..left ard 0430h..wah super-shagged..doh im not drunk coz by den d effects wore-off & i didnt drink 2 much..but dance until my knees ache again..old prob.. but overall, i njoyed d whole event..made new frens..

& i didnt over-slp! lolz..didnt slp much but didnt feel xceptionally tired dah..no hangover oso! woohoo..neway, hv a gd day all!

wat a mess my head is in..d dual (or more) personality is tkin its toll on me..when im gd, im d BEST! when im bad, its SHITE! ..

(details in "Life of a Jedi")..

i’m writin tis here coz someday i noe i may look back 2 c wat iv written in my whole life..i hope i live my life w/o regrets & if i ever do, pls 4give me, 4 i noe not wat i’v done..

d reason y i hv not succeed till date is coz of several reasons..but d worst of all is still myself..ppl say dat u urself is ur best fren & ur worst enemy..it cudnt b truer den ever..tinkin back d tings i’v done, d refusal 2 change, oways dwellin in darkness & loneliness..d feelin’s..unbearable..but den its bcome a habit dat’s not ez 2 change overnite..

tis past few mths..close 2 a yr, i’v truly been thru alot..dey say dat in tis field, u go thru 3yrs wat norm ppl tk 30yrs 2 achieve..somehow i feel dat it’ll make me, yet it may worst still, break me..my mentors hv been guidin me constantly, doh sometimes dey can only bring me dat far..d rest of d rd is up 2 me 2 walk..

i’v been told dat i dont luv myself enuf, fr my appearance 2 d tings i do 2 myself, dat’s y i dont hv d capacity 2 luv others & perform 2 my best..dere’s oways tis dark side in me dat constantly brings doubt upon me..perhaps dat’s y d alias Dubitar.. but wat’s luv? how can some1 who’s nv been in 1 ever noe wat it’s like? when ppl reject u 4 who u r..when all d bulls*** of "be who u r" is all 2 heavy 2 tk..u may say dat i 4get abt d ppl ard me who still luv me 4 who i m..like my family..but wat if it was no unconditional luv? wat if d luv dat dey provide is indeed conditional? dat u hv 2 support dem in deir old age, dat ur life is deir’s, dat all d luv dat dey’v given u all tis time fr d time u’r born till d time u bcome n adult was a kind of ‘investment’ 4 deir old age? sad 2 say, it’s all but true..

dat’s all i’ll say 4 now..

(real life)

heyz ppl,

had my 1st clubbin exp last Wed nite (actually is Thu liaoz) @ MOS..didnt wanna go @ 1st but got ‘dragged’ dn..hmm gd 2 exp some nite life of S’pore..d music’s rather loud..whole body vibratin 2 d music..luv d music..1st time really drinkin..so didnt noe my limit..drank quite alot like freeflow..lolz jug aft jug..doh is shared de lah..wah feel damned high siah..woohoo..juz kept dancin lor..kinda feel comfy in d env..ahaa.. wats more, got lotsa cai 2 c..really gd exp..got 2 noe 2 new ppl..doh i only gave dem my contact..did i or didnt i? cant rmbr..mayb d booze got me, or mayb tis didnt really happ..or did it?

well..when d whole ting ended, i was still feelin high..guess i really had 2 much drink..shish..den had 2 sepnd d nite @ Dan’s d nxt morn feelin hangover..sianz..it lasted d whole day..a lesson learned..

w/in 1 wk, i went 4 2 clubs..went my 2nd exp @ Club Momo 4 d NBS Bash..so many ppl pangseh me, but nvm..its norm..well, i went dn 2 supp CheeHao coz dey raising funds 4 d NBS FOC 07..got nothin 2 lose since i can meet new ppl..his OG grp d gals really v nice..sigh..y m i not in NBS? ahaa..tings were quite borin & lack of ppl in d beginnin..d crowd seem 2 come only ard 11pm..had 2 wait till den..now tings start 2 get heated up..almost all d cai i c is much better den other facs’..nvm, im hvin d time of my life dere neway..didnt drink s much s b4..so i was much soberer..lucky CheeHao oso left early, so we didnt stay till d end..not much of a hangover d nxt morn, but still tired due 2 3hrs of slp only..

overall, i tink clubbin’s a really gr8 exp..but shud do so dat often..

sorta had 3 dreams..2 involvin her (i-noe-who) & 1 involvin my mum..

(details in "Life of a Jedi")..